The Annual Identity Crisis

Whether you are a Christian or not, you know the story - a couple travel to Bethlehem to respond to a government census, only to find there's nowhere to stay except a grubby stable. While there, Mary gives birth to a bouncing baby boy, and they name him Jesus. In response to this birth several extraordordinary things occur, including singing angels, shepherds, three travellers and a very scary dream that causes the family to flee. The explanation for all of this is nothing short of the eternal salvation of the human race and the restoration of man to God and God to man. 

Every year, Christmas poses to us a question of identity. How can an omnipotent creator who set the stars in place, who pulls the tides in and who keeps the entire universe spinning step down from his throne, be born in a dirty stable amongst the most humble of animals, all of the sake of our souls? Many throughout history have questioned whether He was God at all, whether He was a great prophet, and how someone can identify as fully God and fully man. It's one of the great mysteries of the Christian faith, one that theologians throughout the centuries have grappled with and as the Christmas season comes to a close, humanity tends to turn away from the baby swaddled amongst the straw and look inward, embroiled in our own crisis of identity. 

New Years comes with it the burden of possibility and a billion questions: how do we change things, do we NEED to change things, what do we want and is it different from what we have? New Years Resolutions have rightfully been imbued with a very bad reputation of late: they don't work, they cause anxiety and broken promises that are detrimental to the psyche. When you fail to meet the promises you make to yourself, you break your own trust and that causes an erosion of confidence. Before you know it, you are making false promises to yourself left and right suffering all of the dissonance in your spirit that comes with duality: you know you WANT to fulfil the things you say but instead you do the opposite. It's part of the human condition, the bible speaks of it in Romans 7:15-20 (NIV) "For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me."

Not that any of that lets us off the hook: we are always responsible for our own actions and choices. But it should be acknowledged that we as frail humans tend to fall short and as such New Years Resolutions can be dangerous. I for one like the idea of adopting a sense of identity rather than making resolutions - painting a picture of who and what I want to be over the next 12 months. Instead of setting down goals such as "lose weight, exercise more, drink more water, eat better etc etc" I instead think about what my identity is right now and where I want it to be at the end of 2023. 

The funny thing is, identity shifts and changes, and we must let it. To doggedly refuse to do so represents stagnancy. When I was in my early 20's I watched a movie called "There's Something About Mary" (I KNOW you must have seen it - a comedy classic!). Anyways, there's a scene right at the beginning of the movie where the titular character Mary goes about her day, unaware that she's being stalked by a private detective. She leaves her house early, goes down to the wharf and casually throws an apple to some guy she sees every morning. I can see the scene right now in my mind, so vivid is the picture to me. She's young, vibrant, thin and smiling. She has a bounce in her step, and the breeze softly brushes her hair about as she bounds down the street. She is a PICTURE of health and vitality and youth. THAT was the image I held in my head for the longest time as the ultimate identity for me - the emblazoned representation of who I wanted to be. 

Over the years, that image has slowly morphed with my own real life. My step doesn't have QUITE as much bounce, and I don't need to tell you that I'm no where NEAR that skinny LOL I laugh now at my latching on to that scene as the epitome of all that is good and of all I wanted to be in life, because it's a movie and real life never works out like that. There are however elements of that image that are replicated in my choices now. I take my dog for a walk along the same route, and often we meet the same people with friendly greetings and sometimes a chat. I live a life that's cheerful and joyous, if not a little naïve at times and I try always to see the best in people. I try to be generous, never withholding if I can be of assistance to someone else and I have a thriving community of people around me that I see on the regular. I even have a place to go where my coffee order is rarely required, where I know people's names and they know mine, and where I always have a table no matter how busy. It's that kind of sense of community that I saw in that movie scene and I have somehow stumbled upon that same sense of community in my real life, albeit not as picture perfect as in the movies. 

So, as 2022 draws to a close, I look once again to my sense of identity and ask the same question I ask every year - who am I, who do I want to be, and what changes do I need to make to get there? I thought I had the answers to those questions, but even over the last two weeks my responses have changed. I have made the decision to revel in the life I have right now rather than always striving for major change, so I see the next 12 months as a year of consolidation and contentment - a time to enjoy what I have and to embed in my life activities that bring me joy and happiness. I have no doubt that over the next year I will be challenged many many times to examine and re-examine this overarching goal, but I feel that in my 40th year of life I have a better sense of what I want, and by painful experience what I don't want. I've also decided that my word for 2023 will be "Joy" - finding joy in the every day experiences I have and seeking contentment in my daily routine. Of course, learning and growth don't stop, and I have no doubt that I will continue to morph over the next 12 months into a fuller version of myself like I have done every year for the last decade - but I won't be looking for external validation or input much anymore and I will instead be looking for ways to be a little more sustainable, and a little more content. 

So what's your identity look like? Are you who you want to be? What kind of things do you want to define your character over the next 12 months? These are questions worth asking not just today, but any time throughout the year that we want to fine tune our direction in life. 

I wish anyone reading this post a very happy New Year's - may 2023 bring you all of the peace and joy and contentment your heart desires, and may you reach the end of the next 12 months feeling a little bit more 'yourself' as I have done this year :)